


Let Me Introduce Myself

by Hamiltrash_Willow



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, I'm Sorry, Implied Self-Harm, Misophonia, Unrequited Crush, based on my own experiences, not a fandom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 07:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltrash_Willow/pseuds/Hamiltrash_Willow
Summary: This is kinda of a rant in story form, I suppose. I just wanted to share this to let people know that they're not alone.





	Let Me Introduce Myself

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Implied self-harm and depression, misophonia
> 
> (I have a few Hamilton things in the works, so I'll post those once they're finished!)

Hello.  
My name is Willow Luna.  
I’ve had a huge crush on a girl for a while, and she likes me back.  
We’re going out.  
I don’t have any mental disorders.  
I’m happy with myself, and I’m a great person!

That’s the introduction I would have given in my perfect world; basic, cliche, and simple. Unfortunately, life never really seems to let us be Mary Sue characters, does it? 

“You were late this morning, you butt!” A playfully accusatory voice finds its way into my ear, and I whip around to face the tall girl to whom the voice belonged.  
A smile flits across my face and I shake my head amusedly. _She can’t hear the fluttering of my heart, can she? She can’t tell how her beautiful oceanic eyes cause me to practically swoon, can she? Wait, am I annoying her? Is she annoyed? Shoot, am I boring her?_ Fears flash through my mind in a short instant as I struggle not to let my expression change.  
“Hello to you too, Mercedes,” I tease as I look up to meet her eyes before averting them quickly, pretending that it was the midday sun in my eyes and not fear of meeting her gaze.  
She gives me a grin and nudges me. “Hey, Willow, ya butt,” she greets cheerfully.  
I return her grin with a smile of her own and nudge her back before making my way towards a bench and sitting down with a plop and a quiet sigh as I see her gaze flit towards her crush as he passed by.  
My chest throbs painfully for a moment before I shake it away and I look up at Mercedes, plastering a smirk across my face.  
“Hey, Mercedes, there’s Voldemort.” I raise an eyebrow and force my smug grin to grow, ignoring the pangs in my heart as she averts her eyes and forces down a blush. Reminders of our time on our school trip during which her crush's nickname officially became He Who Must Not be Named flashed through my mind.  
“I know, I saw him already.”  
_Be happy for her, Willow. Be happy for her! Stop being so selfish! ___  
“Aww, that’s so cute, how you look for him wherever you go!”  
_Look for me. Please… No, Willow, stop it, stop being such an awful person, stop it…. Wait, it’s not like there’s anything good about you anyways, so what’s the point in stopping? Wait, no, you should at least try…._  
“No, I don’t!”  
“Sure you don’t, Mercedes.”  
She pouts a little and rolls her eyes, walking away to talk to her other friends. The friends that actually make her laugh, and smile, and have fun.  
Meanwhile, I’m left alone.

____

Now, reader, I don’t ask you to pity me. All I ask is understanding- or at least, your best efforts to understand. And I do know that’s hard, with what is about to happen. Please, may I ask you to try, however?

I glance up at the clock, ticking the seconds away painfully slowly. 1:16, I read, hardly able to stifle my groan. One minute down, 44 left to go.  
I can already hear the quiet sniffing, the breathing, the occasional chew within the classroom. It’s much, much quieter than the teacher’s voice, but somehow, it’s all that I can hear.  
_Please. Stop. Stop. Stop. Go away. Stop. No, please!_  
My heart begins to race and I desperately cover my ears, but I can still hear the sounds.  
_Please. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop stop stop stop._  
Bursts of rage and despair erupt within my chest and tears prick at my eyes, blurring my vision.  
_No stop stop stop stopstopstopstopstop-_  
“Willow, pay attention!”  
I meet my teacher’s gaze with tearful eyes and nod slightly. Can they see the panic constricting my chest?  
My teacher nods and returns to her lesson- I guess not.  
I want to die.  
I want to kill the people sniffing.  
I know I’m not going to, but God, how I want to.  
Please, just let this end.  
Seconds drag on into minutes drag on into hours, and by the time the bell pierces through the endless droning of the teacher and the sniffing of the students, I feel like I have spent a microcosm of eternity trapped within the classroom and enveloped by the noises.  
I meet up with one of my best friends, Vera, and it’s like she almost immediately notices something is off.  
“Are you okay?” she questions.  
“I’m fine.” _I’m fine, I just, you know, hate my worthless self, am close to panicking and despairing and raging because of the noises, and completely overwhelmed. Wait, that was really selfish. Yeah, I’m fine. Perfectly fine. Stop being selfish. Stop being such an awful person already._  
I shoot her a half-convincing smile, and she frowns.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah, perfectly sure! I’m fine, really.”  
“Okay… You know you can tell me if something happens, right?”  
_No… I can’t, really. You’re going through hard times, Vera. My problems will stress you out more. Your problems always come first to me. Maybe I’ll be able to always tell you someday. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I trust you as a person- I just don’t think I trust you not to break._  
“Yep! Thanks, Vera!”  
I send her another smile as we walk into our classroom, even though I can already hear sniffing. I dig my nails into my wrist- _wait, no, not there, that’s a scar- wait, that’s another scar- okay, there’s okay_.  
My vision is blurring again.  
I don’t think I’m okay.

Hello.  
My name is Willow Luna.  
I’ve had a huge crush on a girl for a while now, and it’s unrequited.  
Her crush just recently found out that she likes him.  
Though undiagnosed, I have misophonia, and am struggling with self-image.  
I hate myself, and I wish I was unselfish enough to just die.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that this wasn't a fandom work! However, I wanted to let anyone who might see this know that they're not alone.  
> If you need help, it's never a bad thing to ask for it, ever!
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (for America)  
> Call 1-800-273-8255


End file.
